2015奥巴马白宫记者晚宴

 任期将尽的奥巴马在今年White House Correspondents Dinner(白宫记者协会晚宴)上火力全开，不仅吐槽了老冤家共和党各路人马，连民主党的希拉里和O’Malley等战友他也没放过。CNN, Fox News和MSNBC更是被黑的体无完肤。

　　Good evening everybody.

　　Welcome to the white house correspondents' dinner.

　　The night when Washington. Celebrates itself. Somebody's got to doit. And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency.

　　It's true iron. Those were sheltering. Factors that film moreloose and relaxed whenever. Those. Joseph Biden shoulder massages theirlike magic. Well you have.

　　I am determined to makethe most. Every moment. Have left. After the midterm electionsmy advisor let me Mr. President you have a bucketlist. And I served well. Something the lions would bucketlist. Take executive action on immigration. Bucket. This woman look.

　　My new. But in my Cuba policy. The Castro Brothersare here tonight. The fulfill. What. If for capsules fromTexas. All. Iowa scream. Hi Leon. Anyway. Big Brother isnever easy and I still have to fix a brokenimmigration system. Issue veto threats to negotiate with the Ron.All while finding time to pray five times a day.

　　Wonder that people keep pointing out how the president CNamazement. Alex old John Maynard Carter invited Netanyahu speaking myfuneral. Meanwhile Michelle has amazed today. Have to order figuredshe just says. Fresh fruits and vegetables. It's aggravated.

　　Factis though at this point my legacy is finally beginningdetection. Their economy is getting better. Mind that in tenAmericans now have health coverage. It's. Good. No longer haveto worry about losing your insurance if you lose yourjob. You're welcome senate Democrats. Not look it is trueI have not managed to make everybody happy. Six yearsand in my presidency some people still say I'm arrogant.

　　And aloof. Condescending. Some people are so don't. They wouldn't.

　　And that's not all people say about. A few weeksago Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst presidentof his lifetime. What is interesting because I think DickCheney is the worst president in my lifetime. What appointments.

　　America got some of them say these days. Mike Huckabeerecently said people should enjoy our military until a trueconservative is elected president. Think about that. It was sooutrageous 47 Ayatollah wrote us a letter. Trying to explainto Huckabee how our system works. They get worse. Doesthis week Michelle Bachmann. Ash. Actually predicted. That I wouldbring about the biblical and debates. How about the legacy.

　　I'm in Lincoln Washington and let them do that. Okay.But you know I just have to put this stuffoutside I'm gonna stay focused on my job. Because formany Americans this is still time of deep uncertainty. Forexample I have I have one friend just a fewweeks ago. She was making millions of dollars a yearand she's now living out of abandoned Iowa. Meanwhile. Backhere our nation's capital we're always dealing with a newchallenge us and I'm happy to report that. The SecretService thanks to some excellent reporting by a White Housecorrespondents. They're relieved. Focusing on. Some of the issues thatcome up and they finally figured out a full proofway to keep people off my lawn. That works. Asnot just fence jumpers. Some you know a few monthsago drone crash landed. Back that was pretty serious butdon't worry. We've installed a new state of the artsecurity system. You know what. Let me set the recordstraight if I tease Joseph sometimes but he has beenat my side. For seven years I loved that man.Not good to great vice president he has a greatfriend. We got so close in some places and Indianathey want service pizza anymore.

　　I want to thank ourhosts for the men Chicago girl an incredibly talented it.Syphilis around. Bond the Saturday Night Live Sicily impersonate CNN64. anchor Brooke Baldwin. Which is surprising because usually the onlypeople impersonate journalists on CNN. Are journalists on CNN. ABCis there was some of the stars from their bignew comedy black fish. I. As a great show whetherto give ABC fair warning. Being black issue only makesyou popular for so long trust. There's a shelf lifecommitment. As all us.

　　The reporters here have a lotto cover over the last year here on the EastCoast. One big story with the brutal winner. The polarvortex because so many record lows they renamed it. MSNBC.But of course. Let's face it there is one issueon every reporters' minds matters points sixteen. Already we've seensome missteps. Turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanicback in 2009. Which annoyed look I understand there's anit was a mistake. Reminds me of when I identifiedmyself as American Bakken. 1961. Ted Cruz says they're denyingthe existence of climate change. Maybe there. Mayhem like Galileo.That's not really an apt. Compare us. Galileo believed theearth revolves around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the earthrevolves around Ted Cruz. I and handel's messiah don't wantone out when a guy. Who have this based ona hope poster called you self centered.

　　You know you'vegot a problem. Most of the men veterans. Creeping upall through high. Meanwhile Rick Santorum announced that he wouldnot attend the the same sex wedding of a friendor a loved one. Towards gays and lesbians across thecountry responded that's not going to be a problem. Don'tlet them. And Donald Trump is it. Still. Anyway. It'samazing how time flies. Soon the first presidential contest willtake place. And I for one cannot wait to seewhom the Coen Brothers crack. But the plan. Marco Rubioand Rand Paul that crews Jeb Bush Scott Walker. Whowill finally get that red ropes.

　　The winner gets abillion dollar war chest. Runner up gets to be. Thebachelor on the next season of the bachelor. Mention thislike a billion dollars. From death to guy. It's justme or does that feel a little excessive. Ms. almostinsulting to the candidates. Both that could cope Brothers thinkthey need to spend a billion dollars to get folksto like one of these people. Gotta hurt their feelingswell it. And look I'm drivers lot of money tobut. The offense my middle name is Hussein. The trailhasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either.

　　As weall know Hillary's brother emails that are in trouble. Franklinup I was going to be your private instead Grahamaccount that was gonna cause a bigger problems. Hillary thingsoff by going completely unrecognized. And it's a poll what.Not to be outdone. Martin O'Malley kicked things off bygoing completely unrecognized that it Martin O'Malley campaign. And BernieSanders might run. I'm Mike Vernon birds bears and apparentlysome folks really wanna see a pot smoking socialist inthe White House. We could get a third Obama terminalpro. And where is always on a close up moreserious note. I often joke about tensions between me inthe press but. Honestly what they say doesn't bother meI understand we've gotten adversarial system. I'm mellow sort ofgod. And that's why I invited. Looper my anger translator.

　　The American. Paul dollar to yen nearly Y book. Inour fast changing world traditions like the white house correspondents'dinner are important. Us. Because despite our differences we counton the press to shed light on the most importantissues of the day. They're not on behalf all whileHaiti with. I. We want only. There is much littleball while he bona but the whole way we don'tstep. Yeah. Probably what did you notice. And now. ButI felt physically. Appreciate the work that you do. Allall in the bottom of Mexico. It's strictly know whenthat woman. That night being. While what was it whatit looked at all to them. Protecting our democracy. Ismore important than ever. For example Supreme Court ruled thatthe donor who gave Ted Cruz six million dollars wasjust exercising free speech yet. That's the kind of speechlike this I just waste is six million dollars.

　　TheRepublicans. Hillary will have to raise huge sums of moneyto Lowell he. So don't get that money. Sealed andArnold about it. Tell me it's tough and so wasmorale. And nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problemsfor our democracy and. Yeah. Whitman. We do need tostay focused on the big challenges like climate thing. I'vegot opponents. Did and Iraq. Yeah that's what happened thatwill be up and Ned. Bradley Cooper. It does hewants the appointment but not. The player nine. Out ofthe ten hottest years ever came in last Beckett. Doesand an audit candidate. Rising seas. More violent storms gottenus. Don't sweat it people on the trains bank inand out. Business is now that's it. I meant whatlittle what. Look at what's happening right now.

　　Every seriousscientist says we need. The Pentagon says it's the nationalsecurity risk. Miami was gonna funny event. Instead doing everythingabout it we got elected official points not club inthe sun it's. Got a bright and has quietly. Whatabout our kids what kind of stupid short sighted airliftbond above all. I. Good. Out all the respect her.You'll need an Internet that. Unit got us. I'm alot of him. Trying to get an audit. I havefriends whether. Now that I got that off my chest.You know investigative journalism. Explanatory. Journalism. Journalism that exposed corruption.And injustice. And gives voice to the different and themarginalized. The voiceless. That's power. It's a privilege. It's asimportant to America's trajectory. To our values or ideals thananything we could do in elected office.

　　We remember journalistwe lost over the past year. Journalists like Steve and166. saw Lofton James Foley. Murder for nothing more than trying167. to shine light into some of the world's darkest corners.The journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world including. Our ownJason. Raising. Jason has been imprisoned and Tehran heard nothingmore than write about the hopes and fears of Iranand people. During their stories to the readers of theWashington Post in an effort to bridge our common humanity.

　　As was already mentioned Jason's brother Ali is here tonightand I have told him personally we will not restuntil we bring him home. Whose family sick so. He'sjournalists and so many others do their work is morethan just profession. But as a public good. An indispensablepillar of our society. Are giving the toast of raiseyour glass to them and all of you. The wordsof the American foreign correspondent north of Toms. It isnow the fact of liberty. But the way in whichliberty is exercise that ultimately determines. Whether liberty itself survives.Thank you through devotion exercising our liberty and the tellingour American story god bless you. God bless the UnitedStates of America.